No One's Fault
by TerraZeal
Summary: Sabriel and Loki/Balder smut. Loki talks about how Balder spurned him and forced him into killing him, while revealing himself to be an archangel to Sam at long last. Sam's reaction isn't what Loki thought it would be. Slash. Will up rating if needed.


_**AN: **Supernatural AU again. Inspired by watching S5 on DVD and my favorite episodes featuring the Trickster. Obvious Sabriel. Loki/Balder in flashbacks. Takes place almost directly after Sam opens Lucifer's cage. Smut? Yes. I use Loki and Gabriel interchangeably here, since they are the same person._

_ONLY Loki/Balder sex. Sabriel romance and talking/kissing._

_**No One's Fault**_

Sam sat alone on the steps outside their motel room. Dean and Castiel were probably uhm, busy, at the moment anyway. When Chuck said he'd died, Sam immediately knew that was a lie, as had Dean, since his facial expression hadn't changed. He could hear soft moans coming from the room. He ignored it. He knew what was going on with them. He tried to ignore it. Oh, how he tried. _It's all my fault, the Apocalypse. If everyone, anyone, dies, it's on me._ For the first time in a long time. Sam let the tears flow. Wretched sobs wracking his body.

His head ached and his body ached. What the hell was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to right the wrongs he committed? He hugged his knees to his chest right as a warm, familiar pair of arms closed around him.

"Please. Don't cry, my Sammy. For my part anyway, it wasn't all your fault. It was their fault in the end. Those ass monkeys with wings?" Loki rubbed his head against Sam's cheek. "Forget about what anyone says. The people who love you know the truth, and they don't care. Dean still loves you. I still-" Loki stopped, shook his head, blonde hair getting stuck to Sam's wet face.

"You. Why are you here?" Sam said in a resigned voice. He honestly couldn't care less that the Trickster was here. That he was being...disturbing...again. "Go away, Trickster. I'm not in the mood for tricks or anything else." He said it half-heartedly. The Trickster could likely tell that his heart wasn't in the dismissal, that Sam ached for comfort.

Loki brushed his blonde hair away from his green eyes, allowing Sam to see that he was not an illusion, but the true Trickster. "I'm not here to...provide you favours. I'm here for you, Sammy. I...you know how I feel about you. I can't keep lying to you." Loki's eyes looked shiny, as if he were about to cry. They were a brighter green than usual anyway.

Sam felt curiosity bloom, even in his wretched state. "What truth, Trickster? Last I checked, all you spouted were lies and tricks."

"Sammy, oh Sammy. Please. I can't...don't think of me like that. I'm not...I'm not...a Trickster." He finished, trembling. He wondered if Sammy's reaction would be the same as that of another long lost lover. _Oh dear, Balder. I did love you so. You were perfect. Why then, did you spurn me when you learned the truth, when I told you everything about me? Why did you make me kill you?_

**Thousands of Years Ago, during Norse rule**

Loki gasped as Balder grabbed him around the waist and pulled him to his bed chambers, amongst the laughter of the other Aesir. Freyja in particular was giving him a lewd grin. The whore. She'd slept with everyone, even her brother, except for Loki and Balder. Loki's only women were Angrboda and Lady Sigyn. His true one and only was the god of perfection, beauty, and goodness. If he didn't know any better, he would have thought Balder an angel, another of the Heavenly Father's children. He certainly fit the profile. Perfection, beauty, love. He made everyone feel as if they belonged, as if they were a part of his family.

Balder threw him on the bed, chuckling. "They think our little trysts are amusing, except Freyja, but her beauty makes her think her perfection beyond your lovely body." Balder slid a hand down Loki's naked chest. "Freyja will never understand true perfection."

Loki laughed as he unclasped Balder's battle-armor, which was standard amongst the Aesir. Loki deliberately refused to wear armor. He was no more Aesir than his brother, Lucifer. He wondered what Balder would think of him if he learned the truth. The truth that Loki was really the Archangel Gabriel only pretending to be a pagan god.

His magic allowed him to automatically disrobe himself, so he was already naked as he was unfastening Balder's armor. As the armor clanked to the floor, he allowed himself a long, heated look. Balder was perfection in every way. Even his...assets...were perfect. Not too large, not too small. Just...perfect. He sucked in a breath.

Balder laughed. "You could be putting that sucking to good use. If you so desire." Balder never said or did anything without someone's permission.

Loki grinned wickedly. "You know I will." He knelt before Balder, delicately licking that perfect cock, awaiting the gush of honey-flavoured semen.

His tongue flicked the tip of Balder's penis, not yet erect. Loki would easily take care of that. He bit down and slid his tongue up and down the pagan god's delicious member. Predictably, he felt Balder harden between his lips, against his tongue.

He opened his mouth, sucking the beautiful god's cock as hard as he could, as deep as he could. Being an Archangel, he had no gag reflex. Balder was always amazed at his capacity to take him in, all of him. He heard that not even Freyja could do such a thing, and she certainly had a...deep throat, amongst other things.

Balder's honey flavored pre-cum soaked his lips. Gabriel licked the delicious honey off this lips. He ran his tongue along Balder's cock, feeling it harden and thicken even more beneath his touch. _The Norse do so love Archangel's, it seems. _Loki/Gabriel couldn't help but feel a moment's superiority. He ran his long nails down Balder's muscular back.

Not too muscular, like Thor, or too...un-muscular, like himself. The battle armor was off, but the under clothes were not. His nails ripped at the thin shirt Balder wore underneath the armor. Funny how he wore an undershirt, but not underpants. Not that Loki was complaining.

Balder moaned, twitched beneath Loki's skilled tongue. "Dear Odin...that...you...perfect."

Loki looked up from his ministrations. "Perfect? My dear, that title goes to you."

"No. You. You are...you're surrounded sometimes, by a halo of brilliant light. I don't know if others can see it or if only I can because I'm your lover, but you're different. Special. Perfect. You look as if you are something beyond even Odin." Balder gasped as Loki bit down on his cock.

Loki slid his tongue and teeth down the god of beauty's penis. How close he was to the truth. Balder did claim to love him. Would he love him as Gabriel? Would he love him when he saw Loki as he really was? As the Archangel Gabriel, one of the Heavenly Father's children, greater even than Odin? He could kill Odin with a glance. Archangels didn't get their 'wrath' reputation for nothing. Not a single Norse god, not even the unkillable Balder was immune to the powers of an Archangel.

"Do you want the truth, my love? The whole truth? Will you love me? Til the end?" Loki licked Balder's now-naked chest, ripped undershirt falling to the sides.

"Always, Loki. Always. I will never, could never, hate you. I want to know what you really are. You say you are Jotunn, but I know a Jotunn when I see one. You aren't one. You are more like the Allfather than the Frost Giants." Balder was gasping, his cock hard and throbbing against Loki's chest.

Loki pressed his face against Balder's chest. "I am an angel." He whispered.

Balder laughed. "I know you are, my darling."

"No, Balder, a true angel. An...an...one of those creatures the Allfather thinks himself beyond. I could kill the Allfather. Gungnir would make nary a mark upon my skin. An angel, Balder, and Archangel. My true name is Gabriel. Surely you've heard of the Archangel Gabriel? Of the Christ child?" Loki's green eyes were shiny. Would he lose Balder? Would Balder forgive him?

Balder's face was blank, which used to be his normal expression, until Loki taught him to use his tongue and brain. In many different ways.

"Why didn't you tell me?" The words were soft, but Loki could hear the barely suppressed anger within them. "I would have loved you. I would have trusted you. You lied to me. All this time, you lied. Loki."

"Balder, please. It was for your own protection. Had I told you at first, my brothers would seek you out! All of you! The Allfather included! You wouldn't stand a chance! None of you. I couldn't bare to see this culture I love die. I...couldn't bare to see you die." Loki's lips were trembling. Tears trickled softly from his shiny green eyes.

Balder grabbed him roughly and threw him on the down-covered bed. "You are a liar. A god of lies. That at least was true! You are nothing but lies, creature. _Angel. _You can't beat Odin. No one can best my father. The ALLFATHER!" Balder slammed so hard into Loki that he was sure he would be bruised.

Loki bucked and gasped beneath Balder. The god of perfection's fist hit him right in his lovely face. "You aren't going anywhere, _angel. Creature!" _Balder conjured spiked handcuffs and snapped them on Loki's wrists, pinning him to the bed posts. Loki could have easily broken out of this, but he kind of liked where it was going.

"My daddy is better than your daddy." Loki leered at Balder as he made fun of Odin.

Another slap. This one harder. It brought blood. Blood that was immediately healed since he was an Archangel disguised as a god. Balder climbed on top of him, pinning him. The god of perfection pulled and bucked above him. The handcuffs were so tight they were drawing blood with every movement. Balder ran a tongue over the blood.

"Angel blood. I've never tasted anything so good." Balder yanked the handcuffs, spilling more of Loki's blood.

"Ah, dear Balder. Your seed is far tastier than my blood. I have never tasted anything so delightful and I have eaten from the Great Garden!" Loki winced as Balder plunged into him, not bothering with any lube. He understood. He was angry. So was Loki. More angry with Balder's response, really.

"So...perfect...don't care...if you hate me..." Loki was gasping. Blood flowed from the wrists under the handcuffs. The honey flavoured semen flowed from Loki's anus as Balder released and released. Being a god had perks. Loki so desired to taste it, lick it.

Balder smiled as he ran a finger into Loki, feeling around. He removed his fingers. "Is this what the Archangel so desires. Wants so badly?" Balder licked his own fingers, taunting Loki with the delightful concoction he had his had covered in.

Balder held his hand above Loki's mouth. "Work for it. You can reach it. You want it. Work for it."

Loki strained. Blood and marrow streamed from the cuffs and they cut into bone. Loki bit down on Balder's hand as he finally reached it. The bite brought blood, which was just as delicious as the seed. Loki leaned back and grinned at him. Or was it more of a leer?

"It didn't hurt me at all. I got what I wanted. So did you. Or do you desire more angel blood?" He yanked a handcuff, spilling more blood.

Balder stood up, buttoning his battle armor back on. "I want nothing else from you, angel. You lied to me. To us all. I won't tell the Allfather. I won't tell anyone. But I can't say _we _will ever be the same again. I loved you so much, and you lied to me." Balder's eyes were filled with tears as he stormed out of the room, leaving Gabriel handcuffed to the bed.

A sigh and a few agonizing seconds later, Gabriel was free. In more ways than one. He made sure to finish himself off after Balder had refused to do so. The Archangel cried. He couldn't help it anymore. He lost the one person he'd ever truly loved besides his brothers and the Heavenly Father. Tears streamed from the green eyes. _I've lost you forever. My love. My friend. _

**Preset Day, back with Sam**

"How did you end up killing him when you honestly loved him?" Sam asked. Loki hadn't told him he was an angel yet, just that he and Balder had broken up and badly.

"It was an accident. I loved him,until the very end. Everyone kept throwing things at him, testing his invulnerability. I got tired of seeing him tortured. It didn't hurt him, but I saw the mental anguish in his eyes. The Norse never tire of throwing weapons at things." Loki wiped his eyes, presumably due to a bad headcold, since he would never admit to crying.

"I just wanted to hurt him for real. Just a small sting, nothing more. Just something to stop them. So I did. I found a tiny but sharp dart that I could throw. I threw it at Balder's shoulder. I didn't know, Sammy. I didn't know that the dart was made of his only weakness. I never knew. Never." Loki shook, trying desperately not to cry.

Sam pulled Loki into a hug, kissing him deeply. "Loki, I know. You aren't a bad person, not really. In the end, all we have to do is what's right, even if it IS our fault."

Loki shook his head. Tears finally streaming down his face. The hug and kiss from Sam must have done it. "It is my fault. It will always be my fault. Balder is dead because of me. I couldn't bring him back. Only God can bring the dead to life again. I didn't know, Sammy. I had no idea."

Sam held him, clenching his smaller body tightly to his own large, muscular one. "At least you didn't start the Apocalypse." Sam forced a laugh and a smile.

Loki looked up at him with shiny green eyes. "You didn't start it, Sammy. They did. The angels. The Archangels. I...I have something to tell you, Sammy. If you react the same way as Balder, I'll understand."

Sam grinned. "What, you wanna play a game of darts with me too?" He laughed.

"No, Sammy. The real truth. The real reason Balder left me. The reason I'm afraid you'll leave me too. Hate me. Please, Sammy, at least don't send me away. I can help you."

Sam stroked Loki's taunt, trembling back, smoothing the blonde hair as best he could. Sam lifted Loki's head and looked into his lovely green eyes. "I can't hate you. No matter what. Balder was a douche, no matter the reason."

Loki gave a harsh, strangled laugh. "See if you'll say that after this." Loki stepped back and stood up to his full height, which honestly wasn't much compared to Sam's.

A flash of brilliant white light, nearly blinding to Sam, and Loki, no not Loki...something...other...something he knew. Something he...hated? Loki had massive black wings, their spread even more glorious and beautiful than Castiel's. They were streaked with silver feathers, which only made them even more beautiful. An angel...? Sam's Loki was...an angel, of all things? Sam felt a pang of betrayal and hurt, but he had promised Loki, no that couldn't be his name...

Flames licked the air. Fire that hadn't been there before. Of course, it was an angelic power. A power Cas didn't have. A power he''d never seen before. Sam let out his breath he'd been holding.

"Dear God, Loki, you're gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than before." His mouth was hanging open, someone the firestorm was avoiding him, burning everything else in sight. Everything but Sam and Loki.

"This is me, Sam. The real me. This is what you've been lying with. Do you feel the heat, still? Do you still want me?" Loki stopped the firestorm and approached Sam, those massive silver-black wings trailing the floor.

"You're beautiful. You're gorgeous." Sam repeated. He could think of nothing more to say to Loki. "Who are you? Loki can't possibly be your name. Your angel name. Enochian, Castiel called it."

Loki stared at Sam with those shiny green eyes for a long while. He contracted his massive wings, vanishing as though they'd never been there. "You know me. You've read about me. I have four brothers. You know them. You just released one. My name...is Gabriel."

Sam just stared at him. THE Gabriel? The Archangel? It couldn't be. What would an Archangel want with Sam, the man meant to kill his brothers and start the Apocalypse.

Gabriel fell on top of Sam, embracing him. "It's no one's fault, Sammy. So you opened my brother's cage. Someone would have eventually. It just had to be you this time. I'm an Archangel, and I love a human. And that's no one's fault but my own."

Gabriel smiled at Sam and pulled him into a kiss.


End file.
